Welcome everyone to me reviewing the Sci Fi 2013 horror movie Dark Skies! Evil Dead reviews will be coming this october. Don't worry about that. SPOILERS
The Review.[]
We open up witha quote that I am not going to quote to not open any inception jokes up. Some people doing shit as the title credits roll. Then the main family are barbacuing! The Youngest son is with a lizard/whatever that is..The tail has come off! What a shocking and disturbing twist...This movie really earned it's title "Dark Skies!" Roll credits. I'm just kidding. The mother is on the phone to someone then it turns out to be their other son. A 14 year old one. She states to the husband that he is playing a game of Modern Warfare. She has hanged up at this point then it cuts to the son. He walks into the room with his Friend shooting an arrow with a bow. Turns out they are actually watching a porno while groping occurs...I'm mentioning this because it will become semi important..Also the friend is meant to be stoned or some shit...This is a strange movie already..Oh and the friend says he has done more...Good job 14 or something kid. Good Job. What were the writers drinking?
It then cuts to night as the Kid bikes home. As creepy music plays. He goes home to the barbecue with everyone eating. We are then introduced to the WORST SIDE CHARACTERS OF ALL TIME! At least the Main Family isn't that bad. The eldest son exchanges a few glances with a red haired girl around the same age. When are the Aliens going to come? Oh and btw this is a movie with aliens in it if you couldn't tell from the title. and the obvious foreshadowing in the scenes. So anyway. The Eldest son and Youngest son talk to each other through walkie talkies...The Eldest reading scary stories. This sets some stuff up.
The Mother wakes up in the middle of the night. Checks the bed rooms. Finds nothing. Then goes downstairs and checks the kitchen...And everything in the fridge is either eaten/Half eaten or on the floor..DAMMIT! WHO LET THAT FUCKING ALIEN FROM LILO AND STITCH OUT AGAIN!
In the morning they become a generic family..The wife serving the husband coffee. Him suggesting it was a giant rabbit with opposable thumbs! He then goes to work and talks about making a switch or some shit. I wasn't really paying attention at this point. HE THEN WHACKS THE ROOF OF HIS CAR WITH HIS BRIEFCASE SEVERAL TIMES! WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT. Oh..I think he was fired. He then goes home. Finds a mortage. Says his wife that it went REALLY well!. It then cuts to the night with the Mum locking all the doors...Wow..That day was fast!
Goes upstairs and waits a few seconds and then turns back and goes into her sons room. Finding out they are doing the walkie talkie thing...Wow...They are really going all out on setting up scares to show nothing aren't they? We cut to a street light..For the reasons of cutting to a street light...Was there really a reason for this? I mean..Like really? Just why?
Then to a shot of the top half of the house all the lights are off..What is the point of this? oh and that same screeching like music plays...The mum wakes up again. They are really setting her up to be the main member of the family aren't they? She then finds everything stacked in the kitchen..All the bottles, Wine and Alcohol. Glasses. Even the cartons of Orange Juice! OH THE JUICEMANITIES! She checks the door is still locked it is. AND OH FUCKING GOD YOU MADE ME JUMP! the youngest son jump scares us all by running into his mum. He then says the generic words for every kid in a horror movie "It was the sandman!" She asks him if The Sandman told him to do it. He says he did it himself...
Cut to morning..Police saying there is no forced entry..and says it was most likely someone in the house. He also said someone else had the same problems..No shit sherlock. Oh and they've now installed an alarm system..Cause they always help in horror movies don't they? I SMELL OBVIOUS JUMPSCARE!
We then cut to the mother selling a house..Did it set this up before? Oh and the kid in the family she's selling it to has Asthma..The Mother of the main family says the oldest son (Jesse) used to be so sick when he was little...This is going to become kinda important isn't it?
That kid in the other family looks like she just doesn't give any fucks...The main dad sets the Alarms (it cut to night) and then a shark tv show happens, The mother and father are watching it..Wow they love shark shows? Interesting. Says some shit and some shit. They argue about shit. Walkie talkie talks happen. I'm 20 minutes into this movie and the only character's name I know is Jesse...And i've seen this movie before. They go to sleep and suddenly EVIL PEGIOTTO!. I'm just kidding. The alarm goes off and the dad and Mum and the two other people wake up. The dad calls up and says the password. States they aren't having a break in..And doesn't know what sensor was tripped as it isn't saying...She replies that ALL OF them were tripped! :O SCARY! and all the photos they have are suddenly gone! DAMN THEIVING ALIEN BASTARDS!
Morning. Police. Say the kid did it. The Dad disagrees saying the Mum doesn't feel safe. The Dad and Mum go full cop form and interrogate the kids..They say they didn't. Shit stuff and all that. Have you guessed the twist in the movie yet? If you haven't. IT'S REALLY OBVIOUS.. THe Youngest says that it was the sandman. The dad searches the Kid's room. Jesse believes them. Family shit happens. anger. That same noise repeats and gets louder. (This actually becomes importantr and cool.)
Dad and Kid Football (Soccer. THE REAL FOOTBALL) Playing occurs. Sammy (the youngest) Pisses his pants. And the dad says a "If you had to go to the bathroom just tell me" THEN SUDDENLY GENUINELY CREEPY SCENE. A LOUD BEATING SOUND OCCURS AND THE KID JUST STARTS FUCKING SCREAMING OUT OF NOWHERE! this is a genuinely creepy scene.
Note go to the bathroom BEFORE that scene. That's when the movie actually gets SCARY. Mum does laundry. Finds drawing of kid with Slenderman. I'm just kidding. It's actuallythe sandman. THEN SUDDENLY BIRDS START HITTING THE WINDOWS IN AN UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY SCENE.
pEOPLE COLLECTING BIRDS. Older Son plus friend. Friend almost touches bird but mother stops it. Friend says it's the start of a outbreak and acts happy about it. THEN PICKS UP THE FUCKING BIRD! WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD HE DO THAT? Dad talking to someone..This movie is boring for a while. Does get better though,
Kid plays with toy. Talking to Mum and Dad..About the scare at the park earlier. Dad talks about getting a therapist. (Oh and some sandman mentions here) AND FINALLY NIGHT! WHEN THIS MOVIE IS ACTUALLY GOOD! that eerie noise happens again. Stops when mother wakes up. Kitchen is fine then she goes upstairs She goes into Sammy/Youngest Kid's room and slender man is standing over his bed..No..Just Sandman/Alien from signs. She screams/Turns light on. Alien disappears and so does Sammy. They run about searching for him..ANd Sammy is walking outside in his underwear. He seems to have no idea what's going on, Mother says about how she saw someone. She can't explain it. But she did see someone. He says she couldn't have seeN Sammy. Dad looks in bathroom mirror in morning. Sees like some bite marks or sme shit at his ear using a mirror aimed over his ear...and looking through the bathroom mirror to see the reflection in the small mirror. That was some inception shit right there. That sound plays aswell.
Jesse goes into a house..(His friends house I'd assume) and sits down. Jumps on the couch. AND THEN THE FRIEND comes into the room with a bong and a lighter! also with two girls. (one of them being the red haired one with earlier) It's established he likes her and Jesse quotes the porno then does the porno thing..Groping and squeezing..She pushes him away. (JESUS CHRIST WHAT WERE THEY SMOKING) then they kiss..He then bikes home at night all happy while some shitty music plays..I thought this was a horror movie..He then looks at a street light turning off. then bikes home finally.
They now have security cameras in the house which the husband establishes! walkie talkie talks happen again!. Jesse promising to Sammy that he will never let that happen to him (Sandman attacking or taking him away) We then cut to a scene of some first person phasing through walls. Doors. Looking at husband asleep in chair. I mean the dad in this movie not the Alien's husband. The fucker then looks at the mum asleep. Then Jesse. Then Sammy. Then at morning the dad wakes up. He looks at the footage from the night. Finds the camera messing up at a certain time for different room at the same time. Examines that footage. Surprised.
The Mother selling a house. She then randomly messes up her speech...Then that screeching noise. Then she walks to the glass doors. and starts banging her head on them. DAMN THE PRICE THEY TRIED TO BUY IT AT MUST'VE BEEN BAD! she then wakes up. Showers then looks in bathroom mirror. Finds the marks from that happening on her forehead...Then realizes it's 3:15 PM. DAMN THAT IS SOME FREDDY KRUEGER SHIT RIGHT THERE! nah i'm just kidding. Her work called and that stuff actually happened. This is 43 Minutes into an HOUR and a Half long movie and shit is just happening. She is then called by the people that examined the birds and said something was drawing on them. She then searches and finds stuff relating to it. Basically she finds conspiracy theories exactly like they are experiencing. Aliens have been doing it. Drawings similar to the drawing SAmmy drew (but with a LOT better Art Skills than Sammy's drawing) The Dad in an interview aftermath or some shit. Shit happens all that.
The Dad goes home and tells her about the new job/project or whatever. Takes out Flowers and wine from what I assume his ass. She decides not to tell him what she was going to. And they end up fucking. Typical Generic Family/Horror Movie shit. She wakes up in the middle of the night. Dad not next to her. She goes downstairs. Finds him in the Garden staring into space.. Not talking (Like Sammy in the park) He is stuck in a screaming like motion but not screaming. He then gets the worst CGI blood nose bleed i've ever seen! He should really go to a doctor if he's bleeding CGI...And that much blood too.. He then wakes up. like Sammy in the garden earlier.Not remembering any of it. They then look back at the footage. She tells him what happened earlier shit like that. (When she lost six hours. Did the head banging all that) Looked up conspiracy theories..Took Photos (and PRINTED them out) ALSO shows him the wound and then shows him the pics/Screenshots. Told him what was going on. He asks what does it mean. She replies it means they aren't from this planet. (Whatever's going on. NOT the family) He says it's insane.
Talks about how people's drawings..Then the aliens. Then compares the kid from Online's drawing. and then Sam's drawing. Then says that they need to go to an expert in the City. that she found. Then they argue. Cut to Sammy at swimming pool. With Red Haired Girl plus the Red Haired woman's mum. She says she's going to help him change to his swimming gear or some shit. Going to take his top off..Then finds fingerprints and strange marks. Automatically assumes it is abuse of course.
Cut to Jesse and Dick Friend in Woods. Talking about fucking people and all that. oh and the Kid has a air gun. Shoots Jesse in the back. Chasing him. Shooting at him. Running through the woods. I'm starting to get strange Friday the13TH vibes right now..Jesse then stops hears that noise looks about. and then the noise gets louder wondering where it' scoming from. Then looks like he just wandered off the EXorcist. Starts turning all demony and shit with his movements looking in the air.
The Mother and THe Dad at hospital talking to Doctor. Says it's due to emotional trauma. Talks about the Geomatrical marks. Appearing to be applied by a Brand. Jesse not knowing how he got them. Doctor probably assumes abuse as he says he does not think he did it himself. He says he's going to call Child Services. We find out the other boy's name (Kyle. The Dick friend)
The Dad goes to Kyle's house and starts atacking him due to anger and screaming. "WHAT DID YOU DO" Kyle's dad saying there's something wrong with you people..Punches The Dad in the face. Then Sammy arrives with the Red Haired Girl's mother. Cut to Mother freaking out. They argue about it. If it is abuse or not. It isn't. The Dad saying he doesn't know what's going on. Oh and btw this is set in 2012..Meaning Jesse is 12..That's alot more disturbing. Texting the red haired girl who asks what happened in the woods. It turns night. (FUCKING FINALLY). Dad wakes up this time.
Seeing one of the Camera's glitching out
He goes up to the room. finding nothing. He takes a breather. Then finds the kid with his eyes missing..This is creepy as hell. Then he wakes up in his bad. Goes to the camera's and looks at the drawing. Then he rewinds the footage to the messing up of the cameras the previous days looking at what's going on. Seeing the aliens standing over various beds. (Multiple aliens.) iT'S PRETTY CREEPY. hE LOOKS SHOCKED AS HELL. they look kinda shadowy misty here.
He goes to bed. Talks with the mother. So they go to this expert who turns out to be none other than. J.K Simmons (J Jonah Jameson). There's cats. (They don't care about the Grey's apparently. (The Aliens) they talk about the Aliens. THe different forms of alien. (They're being invaded by the Greys) They talk about Symptoms and stuff. How others have experienced what they're going through. How there's nothing special about them. He is one of the best bits about this movie. That the Greys are normal now..Like Taxes. And that they use our fears against us.
Starting with stuff they've seen of course. And that they implant things to control you (the stuff behind the main guy's ear) If you try to take it out it just goes further in. (Because he tried) Cut to the woman in the bathroom. Washing her face. Then back to the man with Jonah. Just saying they'll move. But he says that won't work. THEN SUDDENLY! The main woman finds a room filled with newspaper clppings of reports of Michael Myers killing people! Nah. It's actually child disappearances. The Greys attack the first family member they came in contact with (Sam/Sammy. Guessed the Twist yet?). He says he has to protect his family.
Walking outside. The Mother says they need to tell the police. The Dad being right saying that they'll think they're crazy/Take Jesse/Sam away. Oh and they are gonna get Dogs. (So they know when the Greys are coming) Board up the windows and The Dad buys guns so they can shoot the Motherfuckers when they come. Y'Know. THE AMERICAN WAY!
Jesse bikes away and says he is not happy about the dad beating up Kyle. Then bikes away.
There's less than 15 minutes left btw. Jesse talks to the Red haired girl and just talk about shit. like what's going on. The Girl says she doesn't think her dad's crazy ( a reply to Jesse's "If I told you what's going on you'd think i was crazy)
Cut to Sammy and the Mother making food. They set up some rules. It's also July 4th..Dispite it being August something 2012 earlier..Or something.. At an awkward dinner situation the dad asks if they want to watch the Fireworks on TV. so he puts them on. They then talk about their first fireworks experiences. or whatever. It's kinda boring. Except that the kid clearly is not that into the Fireworks on his first day (Not surpised) Lights glitch out. TV glitches Dogs bark. Sandwiches are made. Okay no sandwiches are made. I'll make one after this review though..That'll be something to look forward to. Mother takes a knife. Dad takes shotgun. Jesse and Sam go into a room. Mother ordering them to NEVER go out that room. She defends it outside. THe lights go out. Lights start coming through the window boards. Mother goes towards a room. Alien is behind her..Looks humanoid. REALLY bad Cgi. BUt kinda creepy as hell..It goes to touch her but doesn't.
Locks her in the room though. The screws from the boards unscrew themselves! and then the boards fall off. (Door board actually) Aliens come in. Dad shoots shotguin and then glass smashes..Weirdly..I didn't know aliens were made of glass.. Light starts coming through door of the room Kids are in. Something trying to get in. The Door busts open and it's..The Dad with shotgun! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. they get the mother out the room. TV still glitching. Lights still off. Aliens spawn in room. More and More. Screaming occurs. Shotgun shots. and..Everyone but Jesse disappears. He sees sammy running and then follows (Sammy screaming Mummy!)
He goes downstairs..It starts turning into a happier house. (I think it's their old house..) Dad is on the kitchen floor against the wall. With shotgun. BLood behind him. Mother shot in the stomach dead on the ground., Dad shoots himself in head. he then sees Sammy again and goes into a hallway. Then into a room.W ith that porno playing on a tv. And the Red haired girl and Kyle sitting on the bed. He sees SAmmy AGAIN IN THE HALLWAY and goes over to him. The Dad and Mother (sammy next to them) The Dad shouts Jesse! Three Greys appear next to Jesse and take him away. Parents scream nooo! Cut to J Jonah Jameson reading the Daily Bugle's "SPIDER MAN IS A FRAUD" Article..Just kidding. Jesse's missing persons report. Then he cuts bits off and places it on his missing child newspapers wall. Cut to The Dad and Mum in a new house. Him on a phone. They seem to be following reports/Looking at alien stuff. They look into a box of Old Jesse photos. Sammy brings out toys..Then the mother some drawings of them with Jesse..Then some drawings of the Greys..Then Jesse with The Greys...Then more...One of JK SIMMONS's symptoms reports were long term sickness! And they mentioned how Jesse was so sick for so long when he was very young. Walkie talkie then crackles. Sammy picks it up says "Ground Control?" DAMMIT DAVID BOWIE! then Jesse replies "Sammy?" End movie.
SOOOO! Did you guess the twist? For what it is. It's actually pretty good. While it is kinda boring and there's so much unneeded shit. I'd still recommend watching it. I also kinda like the twist. Predictable but fun.
I GIVE DARK SKIES A 5 OUT OF 10!
Last things[]
So okay. What will be my next review? You decide! Suggest in the comments or on a wikia chat if you ever see me. Whatever is fine! Bye!